released.

Today has been filled with irony. It all started when Celine Dion came on the loud speaker at a building I have been working at within the last week. The song that goes "it's all coming back to me now.." always cracked me up due to the cheesy video of Celine's hott 'boyfriend' (no, not her real life husband,) dying in a motorcycle accident and then coming to haunt her in a large mansion. I can't help but laugh at the romanticism involved in it. It is such a romantic idea that I would almost wish to star in a video of that type.

I then proceeded to drive into the office and since my cd player in the car isn't working I was forced to listen to the radio and this is not good radio, eg. Radio 1, Radio 4 - this is bad commercialized cheesy radio. While scanning through I caught soundbites of all the different genre's of music. See if you can match the quote to the music genre.


QUOTE:

1. "I bury my hurt deep within."
2. "The government welfare came and took my kids away.."
3. "You and me taking hits, watchin' flicks."

GENRES:

a. Country

b. Rap

c. Metal


ANSWERS:

1. c; 2. a; 3. b.

I am in a much better mood since the last post (which was last night.) I had a good day at work and within 15 minutes of leaving the office I had recieved 4 phone calls from friends saying 'hello.' It made me feel good as I stormed down the aisles of a clothing store looking for something too specific. Shopping for good jeans has to be the most annoying thing ever. I have been looking for a specific pair for about two weeks now - frequenting malls and stores in the Cleveland and Columbus area.

I also just finished my 'General Performance Evaluation' for work. This form includes the most frustrating and tough questions ever to be asked next to 'what do you want for lunch.'

Regardless, I am finished and now I only have the review meeting to go to. (Probably next week sometime.) Of course the upside of these things is that a raise is generally involved!

Today honesty soars. I sit here in bed, thinking about what goes on.

Rosie walked by me tonight hugging me and telling me how her 'boss' gave her $10 and a sweater. It made her evening as she now gets to go to the bar down the street. I wonder what made her get to this point in her life - the neighborhood drunk. It makes me dreadfully sad.

I am also -gulp- feeling quite guilty about Christmas. Apparently I was quite rude to our 'family friends.'(as stated by my mother.) This was not an intentional move on my part, but a reaction to the circumstances at hand. I made no effort to be friendly and warm - I was cold and unresponsive to the festivities surrounding me. Instead of partaking in an after dinner poker game I decided to sit and read alone. I truly acted like a stuck up bitch, when in all reality I just wanted to not be social. I am quite embarrassed and wish to forget the whole thing. Yet, in my overly analytical being I cannot stop replaying my bad attitude in my mind.

Sometimes I am quite proud of my evolution of a person, but Christmas made me digress about a decade.

I am unsure if an apology is in order or if I should just keep my head down.

Bed time.

The hell of Christmas, Snow, and Winter all rolled into one. It took me over an hour to actually get INTO my car last Thursday. I then proceeded to drive to Cleveland. Not a great way to spend a day off work. (Notice my FULL dirty laundry basket.)

my sister + a tree.

I am back at my desk and feeling comfortable after dragging myself out of bed this morning. It seems that the dread of returning to work after four days off is much more scary than the actuality of it. I am actually quite excited to listen to the year round up of my favorite Radio One shows, Sunday Surgery as well as Dance Anthems and Annie Mac.

Christmas: No comment.

Random factoid I learned last night: in 1766 Oliver Cromwell tried to outlaw Christmas in England. Greensleves was a carol sung in protest of this movement.

I will post pictures of my trip back to see the folks in Cleveland soon. (I drove to where my folks live now, Cleveland, Ohio last Thursday and spent the weekend with them and my sister. We also took a quick trip to Pittsburgh - although it wasn't memorable.)

The voice mail message I left our engineers.

"Hi, this is Sarah from XXXXX and I am calling to let you know that there are no comments that you need to pick up for your final set. uhhhhh.. so if you could get those done uhhh today uhhhh... that would.... ummmmmmmmm......"

(thinking shit now what..)

I pressed the 0 button thinking that I could erase the message and start again... nope.

"MESSAGE SENT."

So, as us imperfect souls end up doing - I called back and left another message blaming the voice mail thing from cutting me off.

Maybe technology is a good thing, easy to blame. Regardless I have learned my lesson:

Think before you Speak as I shudder in embarrassment.

The Burgandy Room.  

Without sounding quite pathetic - I have decided to start my reflections on the year phase. Without much thought comes all of the amazing people I have met this year. I am so thankful that I have everyone that I do in my life. So, in short, thank you all for being great.

Moments like the one in the picture above are the ones that really make me feel that friendly warmth. Thanks everyone - I love you all! :)

I am sitting at home trying to get some work done. I am not being too productive. Oh well. I survived the week and have been decompressing since Friday.

We had our office dinner on Friday which was quite fun. I ate everything from snails, lobster, shrimp to scallops. Great food, it was a true feast with chocolate cake to conclude. The dinner was at a small restaurant that I didn't know existed just one block from my house, Lantibes. It was a warm, rich interior with quite hushed discussion swirling around. Of course I got home from work and decided I had time to take a 30 minute nap - not a good idea since I nearly missed the dinner due to the snooze button that I have become so familiar with. Regardless, it was a great time and one that should happen more often than once a year. It felt good to bond with the co-workers in a new environment.

I need to stop procrastinating and get back to this work that has to be done by tomorrow. Cheers to a three day week and cozy days with family and friends. Tis the season.

This week has been a stressful one - much unlike my 'normal' life. So stressful that I have been smoking quite a bit. Enya doesn't seem to be cutting it.

Today I have to drive down to Ohio Univ. for an interview for a project that we are hoping to get. I don't have too much to say in the presentation, but enough that I am quite nervous. Without sounding cliche - why does everything seem to hit at once. Once this damn thing is done I shall be quite happy.

As for the grandpa/funeral issue, well I have decided that it is probably not worth the recources required for the funeral. I think that it would be worth my time and energy to see my remaining family during the spring. This trip would also be under less stressful circumstances which would be more rewarding.

Ok, now I need to breathe.. it's going to be a long, stressful day.

Last night after a wonderful dinner at a friends house - it was not only yummy, but it was full of fun conversation - I called my parents. This call was actually an accident since I was trying to call my voice mail. I learned with this call that my grandfather had died.

My grandpa was old - 92 and was living in a nursing home. He wasn't sick, yet he wasn't young. He is the first grandparent to die, a trend I should probably get used to. Regardless of this fact comes a problem with trying to make the funeral.

The funeral is on Wednesday in Liverpool. My parents are going to head over there soon to pay their respects - but the chance of me going is slim to none. I have no money to pay for the trip, (it is holiday time so flights are much more expensive) as well as time. Work is busy as hell and the thought of taking time out of next week, a great time to catch up on things, makes me nervous. Finally, it seems that anytime I have to go somewhere on my allotted vacation time it is for a funeral. It is becoming quite depressing.

I have been planning a trip to the UK/Ireland mid spring to make the familial rounds which I haven't been able to make in a year or two. This funeral would throw all of those plans out of the window and this quick whirlwind trip for a funeral would be it.

As much as I enjoy being in the US and the opportunities it has presented to me I really hate being so far removed from family.

A roof on a FREEZING cold snowy day. (Today.) That is me behind the skylight.  

I am freaking myself out at work. I am listening to Melvin Bragg “In Our Time” and their topic is “Witches.” When they briefly touched on the torture techniques applied to people the whole floor of my office started vibrating and a soft constant whirring noise started up. AGH!

This is not pleasant when thinking of being burned at the stake.

I shall have to yell at the guy drilling the hole in the wall later.

Goodbye Five Foot Three Inches! 

It is sunday morning. Yesterday I moved one of my comfy chairs into my bedroom so that I can sit next to the heater and keep warm. It is actually quite cosy. So, I sit here in my oversized pajamas, drinking coffee and eating chocolate. (Remember my new mantra is eat all that I want? It is in full effect and going quite well really.)

Last night Joe and I exchanged Christmas gifts - He got me very hott shoes from Banana Republic. They are bright yellow and will be great fun to wear to parties etc. Hopefully it wont snow too much this winter so that I can wear them. I got him a subscription to "Architecture" and also a keytar. He seemed quite pleased. I think that magazine subscriptions can be a fun gift since they keep giving all year round.

Surprisingly I am nearly done with Christmas shopping. I was the one last year running around on Christmas Eve flashing evil glances to people in the way of Mission Final Gift. I am quite well known for my procrastination bitchiness. I only have to buy gifts for my Boss and Co-worker - yay. Formal gifts are easy enough. So in short, no meditiation sessions will be required this year and enya can stay on the shelf until next year.

Upon waking up this morning I swore to myself that I would live the whole of today without ANY form of chocolate. This resulted in a cafe mocha stop before I even reached work. Maybe I should try reverse psychology with myself instead. "I can have all of the chocolate I want..." 

Hello to the few readers that I haven’t alienated along the way. I am here on a Monday to celebrate my most wonderful weekend. I was lucky enough to attend a ‘psudo’ birthday party, a surprise birthday party and I get to attend the closing birthday celebration tonight. These are all for the same wonderful person – who, with her partner, has made my journey into young-adult hood a bit easier. So, I was very excited to have been able to spend this weekend with these people and their wonderful friends.

These are people that everyone should know.

Additionally, this morning I listened to an interview with Nigella Lawson, host of Nigella Bites. This woman is amazing. She makes me want to cook in my tiny kitchen and throw parties with trifles and pavlovas. I am quite drawn to her relaxed nature and honest unassuming personality. She also seems quite strong as a woman and mother – amazing. A definite role model if anyone is looking for one.

Here is the link to the new photo page that I set up through Flickr. The party shots are all there - for some reason I kept on taking pictures of the same group of people. Dare I had ventured to unchartered territory - as in the living room. :)

Here is the finished installation that Joe and I worked on. We meant to put nails in the corners of all the sheets - but didn't get enough time to do it.  

I am home after a wonderful evening with fun people who I love. The party was a success.

I was greeted home by a warm Rowan chasing my feet around as I prepared a mini pizza and large glass of water. Quite an inviting feeling.

I have pictures of the party and of the installation piece (remember photo shoot?) that I will post for general ease of distrubution later today.

Joe and I are throwing a party tonight at his place - this means that I get to kitty sit. Yay. I let 'Rowan' play with a ping pong ball and she is going crazy. Here's a pic of her running behind my heater to find the 'mouse.' Yes, that rusty old beige box is my heater...



Cutie Rowan.

Now, I hate to dwell on this, as I do believe that it is quite insignificant in the general outlook of my life... but I am really having a large issue with the lesbo scene. I live in Columbus, Ohio - the second largest (statistically) home to gay people in the US (second next to San Francisco - shocking I know.) So where are the young, professional, successful lesbians?

I am sick of seeing lesbos who are your dictionary stereotype. These are the overweight, short haired, macho, baseball cap women. I am also sick of the isolation of the 'gay' lifestyle.

During my sophomore year of college I realized that I should make some gay friends to find people who I could relate to. I joined a gay/lesbian swim team. It was fun, but again full of the stereotypes. It seems that to meet gay people you have to either join a "Human Rights" organization, become psycho political, or join a 'gay' group. Why do we have to isolate ourselves? We are people with other interests other than our damn sexuality.

Why do we choose to define our WHOLE being on this one small facet. I am sick of your typical reality show with the token gay boy who worries about what people will think and the whole episode builds up to the "I'm gay" speech. Get over it people.

Ok, I should stop before I become more livid and less coherent in my writing.

Turns out that we are looking to hire someone else to work in the office. Three people grows into 4. It will be great having an additional person to converse with and talk with. I just hope that this newbie will be relaxed, funny, and optamistic. I feel that everyone here, including myself, are all very dark. We don't tend to help eachother realize the good things. We shall see what happens as the interview process begins - but, one genre of person I am truly hoping to stay away is the religous, conservative nut. Those people really scare me.

Now, this form of bigotry that I have against these people is sad to admit - especially since according to my mother over thanksgiving - I am becoming a republican. This repulses my family dreadfully, as much in so many ways does it repulse myself. The last thing I need is another label tagged onto my 'being.' Of course this 'republican' view that I am gaining is a result of overall monetary issues/tax issues in the US. I would have no desire to vote for Bush or anyone associated with the current party in power but I do believe that I am getting more conservative in my train of thought. So, maybe I would have something in common with that religous, conservative nut. At least, more than I thought.

sooo.. in labels I am gaining more as I grow.

Female, INFP, Resident Alien, Architect, Gay, Republican.

The last two don't seem to go to well together. Oh well, I'm not really a full republican yet. A couple more years and maybe. I think I need saving.

Columbus, Ohio. GIS Map.